IT’S GETTING TO that time of year again where we vow to become better people, eat more avocados and stop spending money in Penneys.
If you’re still trying to come up with some resolutions that could change your life, we have some suggestions…
1. I will stop downloading Tinder every time I get a little bit bored.
You delete Tinder and swear off it forever… until a few days later when you download it again out of boredom. Sound familiar?
Don’t let yourself get into this vicious circle in 2016.
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2. I will actually iron my clothes.
And will refrain from employing the old “get the wrinkles out with a hair dryer trick”. (Except for emergencies, of course.)
3. I will stop just tossing all my clothes in the one wash and hoping for the best.
Make 2016 the year you educate yourself in the art of washing delicates. (And if you’re really ambitious, maybe you can even start handwashing your bras.)
4. I will stop letting FOMO dictate my social life.
Fear of Missing Out is a very real condition and can drive people to go out for pints on a Wednesday night on the offchance that something amazing happens.
In 2016, don’t let FOMO dictate your social life. Recognise that you don’t have to go to absolutely everything and embrace cosy nights in.
5. I will stop spamming my mates with 180-second Snapchat stories from my night out.
Seriously, we don’t need to see grainy footage of you in the taxi or a 10-second shot of your taco fries.
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6. I will learn to accept that the Kardashians are part of popular culture and stop making grand pronouncements like, “Kim Kardashian is what’s wrong with this world!!!”
Don’t like the Kardashians? Just ignore them. Simple.
7. I will be more conscientious when it comes to sharing things on Facebook.
Instead of instinctively sharing every alarmist “Like and share this or you’ll have to pay to be a Facebook member” status you see, stop and ask yourself, “Is this for real or is it just a hoax?”
Seriously, don’t be that person.
8. I will stop spending so much time stalking people I don’t like/don’t know on social media
Nobody minds a little light creeping, but let’s pledge to stop embarking on creeping spirals that lead you to your old college classmate’s cousin’s Instagram.
After all, it just leaves you feeling kind of icky, doesn’t it?
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9. I will call my Mam more often.
We’ve all casually let the phone ring out upon seeing the word “MAM” appear on the screen and vowed to return the call, only to forget and go for days/weeks without talking to her.
In 2016, just call your bloody Mam. It’s the least you can do.
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10. I will cut down on my use of the cry laughing emoji
And stop using it to spice up otherwise mundane texts.
11. I will exercise more caution when asking for cashback in bars/clubs
“Would you like cashback?” “Yeah, f**k it.”
Less of this attitude in 2016, please. You and I both know it just leads to pain and regret.
12. I will throw out ancient underwear/boxers/socks/tights/bras
If there’s a hole, they have to go. Simple as.
(And gals, you can probably throw out some of those scaldy period knickers and invest in some €2 pairs from Penneys.)
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13. I will actually open my bank statements.
And stop letting them flounder on the Unopened Bills Table.
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